First Fear (in the Arms of Love)

the coldest days, when wind bites at uncovered fingertips,
it's just us.
it's just another town.
but the way the stars play hide-and-seek with the clouds is ethereal,
like smoke dancing with the air,
like we're still alive.
and it's easy to tell ourselves
that this is just an overlong game of Simon Says
and it's easy for me to believe that you're sticking around
and it's so easy to break something that's been dropped 7 times already.

I often play rounds of Never Have I Ever
with a twist;
every time I have done something
it's a day without eating
or a day of relapsing 
or a day away from you
you're a punishment.
you're something I know I deserve for all the wrong reasons;
a sin,
but a bittersweet one at that,
the kind that you love to indulge in.
you're seasalted chocolate and I'm lactose intolerant.
I put myself through pain because I want to feel something,
I'm using you to feel anything 
and I'm scared that it's working

I'm scared of losing my childhood and believing in reality,
of losing simon says
or losing anything.

in short,
I guess, 
I'm scared of loving you
because I know it's going to hurt so much when you leave.
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