the coldest days, when wind bites at uncovered fingertips,

it's just us.

it's just another town.

but the way the stars play hide-and-seek with the clouds is ethereal,

like smoke dancing with the air,

like we're still alive.

and it's easy to tell ourselves

that this is just an overlong game of Simon Says

and it's easy for me to believe that you're sticking around

and it's so easy to break something that's been dropped 7 times already.

I often play rounds of Never Have I Ever

with a twist;

every time I have done something

it's a day without eating

or a day of relapsing 

or a day away from you

see

you're a punishment.

you're something I know I deserve for all the wrong reasons;

a sin,

but a bittersweet one at that,

the kind that you love to indulge in.

you're seasalted chocolate and I'm lactose intolerant.

I put myself through pain because I want to feel something,

I'm using you to feel anything 

and I'm scared that it's working

I'm scared of losing my childhood and believing in reality,

of losing simon says

or losing anything.

in short,

I guess, 

I'm scared of loving you

because I know it's going to hurt so much when you leave.