I remember my grandmother's funeral
I was 2?
Or 3?
She visited me the night before
After my mother had laid out my dress and lace socks
As I laid in bed and pondered what death meant
Her back facing away from the door
With long long long black braids hanging over the chair
She was happy to see me
We never met in person
I never understood what having a grandparent was like
But she turned- with the widest grin
Shimmering white teeth that exuded an unearthly joy
I don’t remember what she told me
But it felt like love
The gentlest smile
And warm warm hands
As she hugged me on her lap
Arms warped around my stomach
as she whispered to me the secrets of the universe
(don’t ask, I don’t remember)
The funeral was strange
I’m sitting on ice cold metal chairs on top of wet earth
My gaze piercing the ground below me
My white lace socks that are a stark contrast to the cold ground
I had imagined that gray cold hands would escape the cold earth
And drag me right down
I didn’t understand what death meant
I didn’t understand what having a grandparent meant
My sister looks a lot like her
And I suppose my mother does too
And in some strange way I also look like her
Since I see my smile in my mother
And sister
It’s uncanny
It’s scary
It’s amazing
There are mostly women in the
Nash…?
Hopkins…..?
Morris?
We don’t get to keep our last names but our traits are strong
Stubborn
Resilient
Jovial
Quiet
Anxious
My mother handed me hers
And Her mother handed them to her
When my grandmother carried my mother
I was the tiniest bit larger than a cell
Inside my mother And when my grandmother was in her mothers womb
She was being carried by her grandmother
I know my grandma because I was within her
Taking up the tiniest amount of space
So miniscule it barely even counted
And yet I was there
And yet I was there
Within my mother’s warmth
Within her mother’s warmth
Within each other’s warmth
