I'd be content with being left in a hot car
for hours
maybe days, (where'd you go for so long)?
flowers could overtake where my nerves failed me
creeping through a forgotten bloodstream
I could forgive where you couldn't 
chunks of my hair fall around me 
ripples of reflective white blue 
a cloud in a morning sky bites 
flaking off, red and blue and green deep beneath the flesh
which I am borrowing from someone whose name slips through my mind filled with drenched images from places I half forget

do you think to be forgiven means to be lost? forgiven meaning mislabeled superglue or sticky nightclub floors, holding onto you but letting go when you think you won't move again 
often gripped by this feeling in a place of comfort or regret and entwined with angry prickling skin crawling fear because you no longer recognise a figure in the mirror that should be you
yet there they are at the foot of your bed
staring deeply but not intently
a faded photograph but the eyes still pierce
a not quite fatal wound 

collision backwards head cracked over white leather seats and viscous patterns 
a last laugh is never had 
tomorrow comes before yesterday
never happening without taking a blade to reality
no goodbyes, no more sorrows, no more contemplation or rotting, no more remembering, no more forgiving, no more dreams, no more nightmares, no more whispering into the dark and hoping for a reply, no more shutting down, no more creaking floor boards or remembering how people walk, no more options

the handset is off the hook, as am i