I've cheated you a thousand times
A thousand by thousand ways
In a thousand by thousand by thousand eternities
With an eternal cavalcade of soft lipped suitors whose silken syllables
Drip
Drip
An agonising drip of honeyed dreams
Whose hook-laced tongues remain by day
Who sing lullabies of a blissful infinity
Words you feel within a thundering silence whose violence, whose defiance
Deafens
Deafens
The whimpering cries of your rational mind
Amplified from time to time by slow release capsules, SSRI's
A voice that screams to exhaustion in Carpathian forests' primordial vastnesses
Silenced by the weary
Tears
Tears
Tears which fall faint inside a fogged bell jar
Where lilies grow cloud damp manes of inner thigh white
Decaying, rot straying, careless words once whispered braying fill the
World
A letterbox slit of diminishing light through a veil of the ghosts of the children your choices
Birthed
PTSD from dead dreams synapses see on a battlefield churned to a swamp by both sides of
You
Dreams;
Nightmares;
Fingers on the same blood smeared hand
Your bed your palanquin
You recline Pharaonic
Wrapped in shrouds of melatonin
Kissing mouldering pomegranate lips of ancient Gods chthonic
Your sedative legion
Raise shields against life
Crush the hands of treason
Which enslave you to the baleful burning, life, a never dimming light
Time stretches
Opaque
Transparent
Fragile harp string strands pealing across existence
Pirouetting
Crippled
Defiant
An agonised stumble: A beat not played
Resume the rondo to fill chambers again
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.Tick.Tick.
Ticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktick
Healing hands, buried memories restrained, now flutter
Can you hear us? Can you hear us?
Silence roars, mute howling deafening, a lullaby
Pulse very faint. Canulate, get some glucose in
Where is my light, my Charon, my Angel?
Crash trolley! Adrenaline!
Whose afterlife resembles hospital corridors...?
Cheater turned cheated: Another dream defeated...
Embers of shame
Glow brightly by day
Despairs conflagration now bitter cold ash
Smoking defeat
Choking sore lungs
Feathers pierce the shell of the you who never was
Beak cracking hairline progression by hairs breadths:
Each conversation seals that shell shut in re-death:
Tears season every day, inhaled on every breath:
An eye outside your shell shows a world which never cared that you left
Then your crest starts to fall as intrusion returns:
Voices blow slowly urging embers to burn:
But a hand ties the gag of the lessons you've learned:
Wings though soul weary lethargically beat so to shatter a cleft
Bedraggled
Ash dusted
Grey glitter flecked rainbow
Reluctant
Triumphant
Splendid where light shows
Burning
Yearning
Failing and learning
Falling
Rising
A sepulchral Phoenix which burns with a yearning
Some days for oblivion
Still more for joy
Tranquillity through pharmacy, psychiatry, stability, love in every warm degree
The Headsman's axe stayed: A now wavering blade: A soft hand hesitant to destroy
