Everything I've ever been grateful for

Everything I’ve ever been grateful for
My house
My plants
My bed that mum and dad built
Dismantling the bed and moving it into the lounge where there’s a pretty view at the window seat
The furniture that I never paid for 
The furniture that I had to buy 
The furniture I gave away for another first home to begin
The way I hold my head high when others tear it down feetward
The way I can be still and forget that I ever have or could have had a tomorrow 
The way I miss people
The people I’ve met that I never thought I’d like that are now at the core of my world 
My faith in all weather being good weather for something
The in-between seasons where people connect and say the seasons are changing 
My convenience store owner whose name I still haven’t found out 
I’m grateful for my brother and how Russian he is
His wife Becky too
My relationship with my parents
My wife and all her faults that smooth my rough heart
The hands I have been given and how when the moment is right and the hunger is true I can draw a thing in a second or two and know exactly how I felt sitting there
The engagement present my wife and I got from Rachel and how fluffy it is
How good I am at lighting fires
That one time I shot a video with Niks and set fire to wet wood and it worked beyond my belief
My deep mind and how when I actually give it space the thoughts that weigh down the rest of my soul aren’t as heavy as I thought - they are just me
I’m grateful for all the clothes I bought as a late teen when I had money to do it and a taste that was maturing enough for me to enjoy them all still years later
My friends who I have watched marry
My friends who are about to get married
My friends who I thought would be married and are on their way to it after a rocky road well travelled
The songs I have sung in Church whose stories I know the depth of and appreciate the pain to bring them out of darkness to give words to those that lack the means to express the senses trapped inside their bones and flesh
The bibles I’ve been given for free
The bibles I’ve given away
The first summer I was ever awake
The balcony I built that summer with my dad
The freedom I got in 2015
The lessons I learnt since then
The way I could drive for hours and be simultaneously sorrowed to my stomach and filled with joy streaming tears out of the end of myself
A new well
A new hope
A new name that isn’t ‘druggie’ and it is lovely
I’m grateful for the slippers my wife got me on our first valentines
For clyde the dog I carried around Ikea all that day to get Megan 
I like the rug under my feet right now
I’m grateful for the MA tutor who got me an extension post hand in which ended up giving me the best mark I ever got – I didn’t deserve it
Every painting I ever made in the BA at Brighton
Especially the third year paintings when I could read more easily and thoroughly
The bible in general
Scriptures poems and songs
The guys at the bible project who have made so many stigmas unravel in my mind
Anyone who has ever bought a painting of mine and gave the reason for doing so in the wording that I’d prayed in secret between me and God
That one time I had a guy call me a prophet
Then the other times since
The fact that I’m not honourable as a prophet in my own home
The humility of the cross
The humour of Holy Spirit and the Fathers heart
I grew my hair for a wedding and it looked great for a while
I shaved my head on the night of the wedding because the waiting was over and the new season had begun
The refining is over and the hair is more normal
The facial hair that I thought might never grow thicker that is gradually
The fact that a scripture combined with a cat is the reason I’m continuing any of that
How prayer is helpful for me even if I don’t think it get answered how I like
How my heart has been restored and aged all over again since it caved in and withered away by age 19
How dramatic I can be 
How dramatic all teen things can be
I like being silly and having non-conversations
I don’t think I can run out of reasons to be grateful 
That I feel I can stop now because I’m going elsewhere
 The end 
Also – I’m grateful for how helpful this was
Thank you Lord
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