now that I’m back
i don’t know what to say
i don’t know what to say
now that I’m back
I need to convince myself I can be the girl I wanted to be once I got here
I need to convince myself I can be the girl I wanted to be once I got here
I took a plane back was scared for nine hours straight
for longer
“you need to separate your dreams from reality” dad said
I need to detach myself from the pain,
that’s why I’m leaving
that’s why I’m leaving
my therapist asked me on our first day
“why did you go to Washington DC?”
I said,
“why did you go to Washington DC?”
I said,
“to run away from Spain”
without hesitation
now that I’m back the silence between my parents is smaller
I don’t have to spend time at my friend’s house because I don’t want to go to mine
now that I’m back we’re over
I read books only in English to forget my language,
spent two days without leaving my bed,
changed my phone number and didn’t tell anybody
spent two days without leaving my bed,
changed my phone number and didn’t tell anybody
or I spent hours looking at old pictures
and didn’t call my family
and thought how brave it would have been to stay
and didn’t call my family
and thought how brave it would have been to stay
I avoided any type of intimacy
so I wouldn’t die of love
and then of sorrow
and love again
(and sorrow, and love)
and sorrow
so I wouldn’t die of love
and then of sorrow
and love again
(and sorrow, and love)
and sorrow
now that I’m back
I think about how stupid it is to pretend you don’t love your country,
because even if you leave I don’t think you can escape from it
I think about how stupid it is to pretend you don’t love your country,
because even if you leave I don’t think you can escape from it
or I’m nostalgic of all the things I didn’t do
and all the things I wasn’t and didn’t become
and all the things I wasn’t and didn’t become
(while I was home)
now I’m back,
I’ve forgotten a bunch of words in Spanish
but I know I didn’t really want to leave
(I’m glad I can’t escape it)