Why do I feel scared of everything? Its a question I've been asking myself a lot over the last seven months, and one I thought about a lot at the start of lockdown.
There's been so much to deal with in that time. Who would have thought the human race would be trying to survive a global pandemic on January 1st 2020?
I've had a lot of fear in me this year, and that is normal. Fear is a normal emotion, just like happiness is. But this fear has been different, its not like being scared on your first day of school, or like when you get on a roller-coaster for the first time and you don't know what to expect.
This fear is new and it makes me feel uneasy, it sticks in my gut when I leave the house to go for a walk, or if I'm in a supermarket queue I get anxious because some people just don't get social distancing.
When the UK entered lockdown on March 24th 2020 due to Coronavirus (COVID-19), or SARS-CoV-2, every single person in this tiny country thought it would be for a few weeks. That life would return to normal, whatever that was, in a really short amount of time.
Yet here I am, still working from my bedroom seven months later. My 31st birthday, July 24th signaled four strange months. Four strange months where I hadn't been able to hug my granny, my partner, or my nieces. Four strange months where I have had to sit two metres away from my best friends when all I've wanted to do is hug them, and they hug me in return.
The fear I feel is something on a new level. Its crying once a week because we don't know what's going to happen, it's missing out on holidays and visiting friends because of international and national lockdown's. It's watching your life fly past at an insane speed, and feeling like you've not lived. Its watching seasons and seasons of TV shows on every streaming service. It 27 seasons of the Simpsons on Disney+, two full cycles of Frasier on Channel 4. It's roots down to your shoulders because you haven't been to the hairdressers. Its missing 2am conversations after nights out. It's untaken photographs, lots of text messages and facetime minutes.
And, here we are seven months later, still working from home, still in some sort of weird void where I can now sit in my grandmothers house, because she's part of our extended household, but I still can't hug her. I can make her a cup of tea, but I cannot give her a kiss goodbye.
The small semblance of normalcy we had for a few months has been taken away. New restrictions are sweeping the UK once more, and fear returns again. It never really went away, but knowing we could do more than just sit in and do zoom quizzes helped.
Its been seven months since I started working from home. and its been seven months since I felt that first fear creep up on me.
It has been a strange old time, hasn't it?
Fear is not always obvious.
Fear does not define you.
Fear is natural. Especially in a pandemic
There's been so much to deal with in that time. Who would have thought the human race would be trying to survive a global pandemic on January 1st 2020?
I've had a lot of fear in me this year, and that is normal. Fear is a normal emotion, just like happiness is. But this fear has been different, its not like being scared on your first day of school, or like when you get on a roller-coaster for the first time and you don't know what to expect.
This fear is new and it makes me feel uneasy, it sticks in my gut when I leave the house to go for a walk, or if I'm in a supermarket queue I get anxious because some people just don't get social distancing.
When the UK entered lockdown on March 24th 2020 due to Coronavirus (COVID-19), or SARS-CoV-2, every single person in this tiny country thought it would be for a few weeks. That life would return to normal, whatever that was, in a really short amount of time.
Yet here I am, still working from my bedroom seven months later. My 31st birthday, July 24th signaled four strange months. Four strange months where I hadn't been able to hug my granny, my partner, or my nieces. Four strange months where I have had to sit two metres away from my best friends when all I've wanted to do is hug them, and they hug me in return.
The fear I feel is something on a new level. Its crying once a week because we don't know what's going to happen, it's missing out on holidays and visiting friends because of international and national lockdown's. It's watching your life fly past at an insane speed, and feeling like you've not lived. Its watching seasons and seasons of TV shows on every streaming service. It 27 seasons of the Simpsons on Disney+, two full cycles of Frasier on Channel 4. It's roots down to your shoulders because you haven't been to the hairdressers. Its missing 2am conversations after nights out. It's untaken photographs, lots of text messages and facetime minutes.
And, here we are seven months later, still working from home, still in some sort of weird void where I can now sit in my grandmothers house, because she's part of our extended household, but I still can't hug her. I can make her a cup of tea, but I cannot give her a kiss goodbye.
The small semblance of normalcy we had for a few months has been taken away. New restrictions are sweeping the UK once more, and fear returns again. It never really went away, but knowing we could do more than just sit in and do zoom quizzes helped.
Its been seven months since I started working from home. and its been seven months since I felt that first fear creep up on me.
It has been a strange old time, hasn't it?
Fear is not always obvious.
Fear does not define you.
Fear is natural. Especially in a pandemic
