Hell is not a place it’s an experience.
I’ve been to hell before. Have you suffered so much you’ve begged for death? My friend who wants to die once told me “ to live is to suffer”. I understand completely. The pain is unbearable. You want to end your life to end the pain.
I’ve been there before, it’s not pretty. To refer to it as mere sadness is insulting. You don’t feel sad. You feel numb. You feel nothing at all. No pleasure or hope. No passion or joy. You are dead inside, which is why you seek to end your life. Might as well finish the job, right?
Imagine going through life and not experiencing the sensations at all. That is hell. Depression makes you lifeless. You seek to escape. You cry You sleep, You drink, You smoke, You eat, You fuck, and then cry some more. You’re more than sad, you’re stuck. You’re stuck in a hole you can’t get yourself out of. So you crawl yourself into bed and just hope to get through another day.
You’re not here. You’re a zombie. You’re dead but not allowed to Rest In Peace. It’s torture. You’re in the underworld with demons sucking the life out of you. Parasites waiting for the takeover. The voices taunt you and make you feel worthless. They pester you. Do it already! What are you waiting for? End it all. You cry yourself to sleep.
Then you wake up the next morning and go to class or work and
pretend like everything is okay.
Fake smiles while they eat you alive.
Drink you dry.
Feast on the tears you cry.
You’re not alive!
You pray to God, why!
Why must I suffer?
Please just let me die!
Am I then weak for choosing suicide?
How many of you can endure the pain I feel inside
To live a lie?
To sit in the passenger seat of your own life
and watch the world pass you by?
I’m more than sad,
I’m decaying on the inside.
I can’t feel my life.
All I can do is cry.
I’m trapped in a pit.
I’m in limbo, stuck in the divide.
Then you all ask me why?
I’m left alone with my thoughts.
So now, I’m choosing suicide.
