My anxiety is demon.
Holding my throat, like an army or a legion.
Pressing my mind to work harder than it should.
Random panic attacks, so I’m misunderstood.
I keep to myself, so your friends I don’t offend .
I know if I explain why I’m sitting alone, they wouldn’t comprehend.
I battle with the explination of my mind.
Telling people I’m SPECIAL or ONE OF A KIND.
LIV LIFE ONCE
A stage name I never use.
Once the lights come on, I’m covered in the blues.
All the eyes that stare and the teeth that smack
I’m just waiting, to know next, what you think I lack.
You see it’s complicated.
It’s like there’s TWO LIV’S.
I say you don’t understand it because
YOU DON’T STUGGLE TO LIVE.
I constantly try to make
“my environment” safe
While starring in the mirror to an unrecognizable face
BUT BREATH.
LET’S FOLLOW THESE FIVE STEPS - -
ON HOW TO PREVENT AN ANXIETY ATTACK.
Holding on long enough to get back on track.
I start from FIVE.
TAKING A DEEP BREATH.
I focus on FIVE THINGS I can see, not including DEATH.
FOUR:
I FIND FOUR THINGS I CAN TOUCH.
Like the gum wrappers I roll in my hand - -
Or my toes in the grass reminding ME I’m on LAND.
THREE:
I listen for THREE things I can HEAR
Like the vibration of the AC.
I over think and OVER HEAR from A TO Z.
TWO:
I BREATH, finding two things I can SMELL.
Like those YAMs and MAC AND CHEESE my sister makes SO WELL.
And one, JUST ONE EMOTION I CAN FEEL,
Until anxiety takes over
And becomes ALL TOO REAL.
These FIVE STEPS SHOULD PREVENT AN ANXIETY ATTACK
But if I’m damn near seizing on the floor
I know that’s NOT A FACT.
SO.. What do I do with only ONE PERSON ON MY SAFETY PLAN?
I said I’d ask for help
But in the OTHER DIRECTION, MY ANXIETY RAN.
If I can’t call her,
I’ll call the AFTER HOURS HELP LINE.
UNTIL I hang up because
I’m nervously shaking when one minute ago I WAS FINE.
I’LL CALL MY THERAPIST
Given she’s around.
Until I hear her speak to me,
I quietly sit listening to SOUNDS.
8 3 4 – 3 1 3 1…. 8 3 4 – 3 1 3 1 I’m thinking
OF CRISIS SERVICES, maybe their around to
… Oh forget it
PANIC ATTACKS ONLY LAST TEN MINUTES
As long as you’re not the one in it!
1 800 – 2 7 3 – TALK
What do I say though?
I seen my body outlined IN CHALK?
.. LET ME BE REAL, BECAUSE MOST TIMES I FEEL LIKE I’M FLOATING AWAY
Caught in a DAZE
Making MENTAL LIST for today.
What’s on your mind” is all too long for a face book status that NO ONE WILL LIKE
Because unless you have SEVERE ANXIETY
You and I are not alike
No one understands that I’m constantly shaking
Or I’m up at night constantly Baking
I’m nauseous, UPSET, lost
NO TRAPPED IN MY MIND.
Telling Every FRIEND OR LOVER I’m tired, I’m FINE.
That’s the thing though.
On top of SEVERE ANXIETY
I HAVE ADHD,PTSD AND SEVERE DEPRESSION.
A tug a war in my head, a declining recession.
I DIDN’T SIGN UP, TO LIVE WITH THE DEVILS DARK SOUL.
If I go to church they try to wash anxiety off me
In a PURIFED H2O BOWL….
Then I’m left with the RESPONSIBILTY TO
MAKE SURE NO ONE SEE’S
THE ANXIETY I CAN’T KILL WITHOUT KILLING ME…
BUT BREATH…
They say, these ..
“illnesses” are
IN MY HEAD
YET, I FELL, WITH A STATUE BODY RIGHT OUT OF MY BED!
So tell me, please, how a mental illness can take over my motherboard
Tell me why it doesn’t go away even after I begged the LORD?!
But wait wait wait
I can’t see my God
Is he a mental illness to?
Or does me not believing anything make me the loan fool?
