Posted By Smple Staff

System Crash – Elon Musk

I’m sick of it, you’re sick of it. He’s dominated our feeds for months and we’re about as collectively exhausted hearing about Elon as we are of Trump, or COVID-19, or that an unborn foetus in the States somehow smuggled a gun into the maternity ward and shot up the place. Still though, the question is practically begged — how in the hell did we end up in this timeline? A pharmaceutical company had billions wiped from its market cap because of Musk’s changes to Twitter Blue and a single rogue tweet. Mister Beast asked on-platform if Musk would make him Twitter CEO and Musk’s response was essentially, “Sure, maybe, who knows.” Musk now also holds the record for losing more personal wealth than anyone who has ever lived ($200B) at the rate of a world-record speedrun. The latter half of Elon’s 2022 was a dumpster fire, except the dumpster also happened to be flipped over and smeared in faeces and firefighters can’t get to it because someone fenced off the site and the manager can’t find the key.

Envision yourself now as Musk himself. It is the fourth quarter of 2021 and in the last two years your net worth has more than quintupled. At times, it jumps beyond $250B. In all likelihood, even you had not anticipated this precipitous gain. The companies you lead and in which you have a major stake are thriving. Tesla’s stock price is a veritable shooting star. SpaceX and The Boring Company, though privately owned, have soared in valuation. You are, by some metrics, the richest person in the world. Fucking this up is basically impossible by this point, right? 
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