laying awake at night

i often wonder

if he realizes how he’s left me

how at first 

i was a shell of who i used to be

i couldn’t even speak of what

he did to me

and then something changed

i changed and started to scream

i started to shout of the pain inside

rushing out like river flows to sea 

because of the things i’d seen

that wouldn’t leave my mind

the pictures that i couldn’t stop seeing

on repeat even though i just wished 

that my brain had a button to delete

does he know i’m even stronger 

than i used to be?

because i will not let anyone else

try to use me

i will not let anyone else

come into my family

and leave us even more a mess

than we used to be

does he realize that now

on sight of danger i do not flee?

despite the insane amount of fear inside

i stand my ground and that’s the key

i stand and look him in the eye and

tell him the one thing he can’t take away

is life that i am meant to lead

i will always have a voice

and with it comes power

finally i can see