Asked my heart to orchestrate a search party
Just In order to find my voice
I wish I could tell you everything
Maybe then I could finally man up
But I fear I am just letting you down
I’m sick
I’ve been diagnosed with insecurities
Counseled by depression
and medicated by Self Pity
I’ve spent night on carpet floors bleeding black and g old tears on olive dream catchers
Humming incomplete tunes to the nightmares
Hoping their silence would silence theses stories
But they never have
Never planned to
Only transform kings into killers
Babies into boogie men
and Knights into nobodies
My heros became dry drool and eye crust
Paper pens and pencil dust
I began to hate who I was
Faught everyone including myself
So please don’t take it personal, I didn’t reach out
I thought no one else could help me
That’s why I had to leave
I was scared that you would see me
Depression is a lonely sea and
I felt like I was pulling you under
Understand, I was just trying to protect you
See I’d kill myself if I made you drown
Suffocate on your suffering
I beg you to save yourself
I’m not as strong as you think
Stop trying to make a martyr out of me
I am not your god!
You swore I could lasso the sun
I knew I’d get burned
So I had to burn our bridges,
Sever our story,
Clip all of your compliments out of my self esteem
Baby, it’s okay to let me go
Okay to move on
All roses can not grow in the concrete
I am not your something beautiful,
I can’t take you’re breath away!
You’re confusing me with disaster.
Ain’t no greatnesses in catastrophe
I can’t construct a masterpiece
Only destroy what it was meant to be
I don’t deserve you
You…
I wanted to be so angry with you
Wanted to know what it felt like
To live in a world where you didn’t exist
It would make it a lot easier not to miss you
I wouldn’t have to pretend a piece of me is missing
Or imagine loving you was hard
Complicated beyond all reasoning
I wouldn’t have to rewind all of our souvenirs
Reminisce on all our sweetest moments
I’d finally get my tear drops off of shuffle
My pain off nursery rhyme repeats
I was convinced I was made of steel
But you were sharp enough to cut deep
You left marks in me
Then you were gone
Like midnight dreams at the crack of dawn
I mean, how was I supposed to know we were playing hide and seek
You, with no intentions on finding me
I waited for you, prayed for you
Thought maybe you got lost
So I’d make a way for you
I traced a map in the stars
Hoped you’d see it was from me connect the dots
And find your way back, maybe
But you didn’t
Do you even know what that feels like?
I thought I was kryptonite
To a world full of supermen
You made me go coocoo
It’s like my sanity went super saiyan
Guess you weren’t the only one drowning
In a sea of your self esteem
So how dare you decide who I’m meant to be
Like I’m supposed to be something special without you right here next to me
We were a team, and loving you was easy
The only thing I was ever really good at
Fanning your flames the only parts thank t warmed my soul
I saw greatnesses in us both
So How dare you be so selfish
I didn’t need you to be Zeus, But I saw god in you
It hid behind the lightening rods, you call pupils
So I let you into my notebooks
Left pieces of you on all my pages
Yeah you burned our bridges and I choked on the smoke
But it’s going to take a lot more than mild fires to stop me
I have bigger flames in my eyes
And there is no other woman like me
I refuse to give up on love
And I dare someone to make me
You hurt me when you left me
But now I’m angry