The first time I loved
I loved his car
and the feeling of his hands under my bra
didn’t really matter whose they were
The first time I loved I liked the way it sounded
to hear my name roll off his lips
and having somebody’s arm round my hips
didn’t really care if it was going anywhere
The first time I loved
it was a drug
I took to drown out my own thoughts
of course i knew better than to think we’d last forever
but that’s not what getting high is for
The first time I loved I was seventeen
and knew nothing
though I soon learned how fast those pretty boys become revolting
but it was a lonely winter and the days were cold
I just wanted some big hands to hold
over dinner, walking in the woods,
in the bar, where people would see us
The first time I loved I put up with too much
I was in love with the idea of love
Didn’t really factor that he couldn’t give a fuck
The first time I loved I was bored
so found a new way to be amused
missing you gave me something to do
but I liked it even better when we were together
The first time I loved I was hungry
the kind where you raid the cupboard
but end up with a disappointing old biscuit
cos you can’t be bothered to put tea in the oven
The first time I loved was a disaster
but it did the job
and afterwards i felt a lot better
I didn’t feel a ‘loss’
In fact I’d never felt adrenaline
Like I did when I got rid of him
So when the first time I loved
went in the bin
I smiled to myself and thought
I wanna do that all over again