Getting screwed by an artist never felt so pricey. But one day, you may find yourself somewhere special with someone who can’t get their hand off your junk. Neither can you. Kissing and blind, you hush them off with a grin. They stop. You know what they’re thinking. It’s the first time they’ve been at your place, but they’re really knowledgeable about you. Sometimes you achieve radical insight as one lush organism. So with a yank of the bedside drawer, you emerge with The Object, and at first the stone frazzles them, stabs their willing eyes. Then they get used to it. They look again. Oh, you both drool. Diamonds. Diamonds on your penis. Yes. On a ring. Like getting down with an emperor’s finger. You’re both so into it, the ring itself doesn’t even need to squeeze on. You clip it instead. What an easy-peasy penile superweapon.
If this is you, and you very much enjoy Frank Ocean’s cock ring, what’s it like? I’m scared to know. I’m terrified the cock ring is actually the most fun you can have without being pulled over. The Frank Ocean cock ring. Sometimes I just say it to get used to it. I wanted to talk about music, a headstrong release maybe. Now we are talking about an appendage to an appendage. In terms of cock rings, it’s quite dashing, which is notable, but not in the upper echelons of the market which would surely be better. I mean, if we’re talking about Frank Ocean’s cock ring, we might as well pit it against other legendary cock rings like the handcrafted J Cobra silver cock ring with “natural pearl,” or the cobra accessory built by interior experts at Rolls Royce, because if they can fit climate controls on a leather seat, you can damn well bet they’ll buckle your boy in.
