THE MYSTIQUE OF MAMA SHORTY

[CIRCA SIXTIES]

URBAN DICTIONARY

SHORTY : 

A person's girlfriend or female friend (often as a form of address).

"Chillin' with some of my Shorties."

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I stared at the woman with my nine year old curiosity...she was very creepy.  Her skin was so dark it looked Blue with the whitest teeth in comparison.  Her dark eyes flashed as she spoke to the man with her who appeared smitten like a little puppy.  

She spoke to him with a heavily accented voice and he was at her beck and command.  I knew him.  He was a friend of mine's father who had left her mother for this blue-black woman.

"Stop that staring!"  My mother ordered as we were in the little neighborhood grocery store near Bootville.  George Hamilback was the owner and everyone had credit with him even Mama Shorty.

I didn't see anything special about Mama Shorty, she was not especially pretty.  But there was something about her.  I had heard grown ups speak about her calling her a Conjure Woman and a 

Sportin' Woman ie Prostitute.  

That was the only time I saw her up close and in person.  She lived in a run-down shack on the back side of Bootville where she entertained her Clients who seemed to come from all over.  

I would sit on my Grandma Lucy's porch and watch the never ending Tricks coming and going.  With my limited knowledge of Sex I could not imagine what all those men could possibly see in her.  

I recognized some of the men even saw my elementary school Principal visit Mama Shorty.  He thought he was in disguise but I would know that 'limp' anywhere.  I took note of the men that I thought I recognized and vowed if I saw my father there I was going straight to my Mama quick, fast, and in a hurry.   I did however see one of my uncles sneak a visit one evening.

The rumor was Mama Shorty was from New Orleans and could do things with her Vajayjay that no other woman could do.  Her expertise was fulfilling her client's sexual fantasies.  She was way ahead of Viagra and had potions and spells that would heal men who had a certain condition where they could not perform.  

I heard one of her most requested service was called The Floating Passion where while you had sex with her you could float above your body and watch yourself....the ultimate Voyeurism. 

A certain Police Chief requested a Floating Passion on his visit with Mama Shorty on a day when I was watching the parade of men.  He even drove his Police Car to her house assuming onlookers would believe it was Police Bizness...Ha! Not even my nine year old self would fall for that.  

I sat on the porch waiting for the fat pig [no pun intended] to emerge after he had done the deed.  

Soon I heard whooping and hollering and screaming.  I jumped up and walked to the street.  

That bovine of a man was running and screaming butt-naked with his big belly bouncing up and down as he ran circles in the field next to Mama Shorty's house.  He was flapping his arms and screaming to high heaven.  Two of Mama Shorty's henchmen ran after him trying to catch him.  After a few minutes he ran out of energy and they corralled him.  

They dragged him naked as a jaybird to the patrol car and stuffed him in it behind the wheel, Mama Shorty came out and threw his clothes into the car and then dusted off her hands.  She looked over my way and I pretended I was about to go in the house. 

That Floating Passion must have been some powerful strong-azz JuJu!

EPILOGUE: I couldn't wait to tell the Police Chief's azzhole of a son who was in my class that I saw his daddy doing the wild thang.