Newly arriving in New York City with “okay” being the only English word she knew, my mother was pregnant with me and only had my Aunt Vivian to depend on in navigating the new environment. April 25, 2003, my mother went into labor and Aunt Vivian had to beg for money on the streets so that they could take the subway to the hospital. Rushing into the emergency room, the receptionist asked for papers, and if any other family members were on the way. 

Aunt Vivian had to take matters into her hands and explain to them that my father was not present in my life and how my mother was an immigrant and only had her passport as papers. My Aunt signed all the hospital papers and put my mother under her insurance. My mom always reminded me of how hard my birth was because she had yet to adjust to the culture of her new setting. With my father being out of my life she encouraged me to always stand strong and tall just like how she and her sister were during my birth.
 

At school, I saw myself as a good student and I always wanted to become a doctor. I was also extremely shy and the other kids used to make fun of me because of that. My dreams of becoming a doctor were centered in my mind so I did not let bullying get the best of me, or at least I thought so. I tried not to focus on name-calling and joke making but it was such a constant thing that led to internalizing some negativity. Time passed, elementary turned into middle school, and I started to allow doubt into my mind. Still aspiring to be a doctor, my freshman year of high school started and I didn’t know what was to come.

I suffered an affliction of anxiety and depression during my second year of high school due to the loss of friends and relationship problems. It lasted nine straight months and oddly I couldn’t comprehend the feeling. Then came my P.T.S.D. I felt like I was in an empty dark place over and over again, there were nights where I had nobody to talk to and ended up crying myself to sleep. My mental health affected my performance in school and the anguish became so unbearable I wanted it all to end because above all, I feared being a disappointment or failing my family due to my inability to deal with mental health. 

That was when I decided to make a change and took up the strength and courage that was instilled in me by my mother. I knew the first step to continuing to pursue my future aspirations was to take care of my mental health. From having to attend multiple therapy sessions to the many conversations with my different support network people, it wasn’t guaranteed that such a critical condition can go away immediately, but I trusted the process and prayed for the best, and things improved for me.

Even though my mental health wasn’t in the right place in the right place at first, I refused to let that season defeat me. I believe what sparked my victory was the mother’s past encouragement of strength and courage. Going forward, I believe the growth in knowledge, never losing hope, and courage will result in my success. I am not only doing this for me, but I am also doing this for my mother so she won’t have to struggle again, I am doing this because I want to help my family in Togo. One day, I look forward to being able to look back and say “I have accomplished my goals!”