It’s really odd
This growing and simultaneous shrinking
Into honeyed sticky index fingers
When all I want is to know maybe what the future holds
Will I be old or successful?
Or will I have to settle?
Will I become the women in my life that I gazed widely at from the ground upwards
When wellies were partnered with muddy puddles
And rice cakes snapped louder and the snap was important and
When powdered mash tasted good
And butterfly face pint didn’t represent a hopeful tattoo which could provide me with a quick fix
To grab your attention.
What has really changed then between then and now?
Between leaping with such energy from the train to the platform
Across the moat of danger and depth
To gazing at the front of the train carriage lights in the dark
In the deafening silence of the station
Wondering where the time went and
The Richmond train is in 11 minutes
But really I wonder where I am now compared to then and I wonder and wonder and wonder even about life, my life and death, my death and
What would happen if the lights came rushing into me like a million galaxies colliding right now
In this second
And I didn’t make it to Richmond
Or rather on the train
Would people care more? I wonder who would
Who would cry
Who would bring flowers
Like the mixed red and yellow one he got me on our first sleepover
Our second date
The doors shut with a shaky quivering sigh and under certain bleep closing the doors 30 seconds before departure
And I’m off and up and away
A lost boy in my dream and rhythmically going home to start all over again and listen to Tom Odell on a not too loud setting so my parents think I am doing just fine
But I guess
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.