dear first friend

dear first friend,

i miss you more than you could ever know. you probably don’t think of me that much anymore but that’s okay, i understand. i just have so many memories of us in my heart still. 

when we watched cartoons in your living room even when your brother wanted to watch instead. when we shared our candy on halloween, trying to cackle like witches, our teeth rotten with sugary decay. when we would lay on your bed staring at the ceiling talking about your other friends and how they always stole your things. i questioned why you still hung around them, but i never got an answer. 

you were the embodiment of my childhood, and i guess i grew up a bit when you finished playing your role in the story of my life. it wasn’t a big dramatic fight that split us apart, which is surprising considering the two of us were the most dramatic duo i’ve ever seen. you just kinda faded away like most people’s childhoods and i never noticed until you were gone. 

we’ve both changed a lot since then, but i still think you’re the coolest. because even though some say your halo has faded, i still see you as the same girl i grew up with. maybe everyone’s halo fades when they get older because i feel like mine has too. i’ve changed, just sometimes you can’t see it because i’m not as brave as you. you always were bold and brave, and i admired that even as a kid. you’re everything i’m not, and i guess that’s why we parted. i’m sorry we did, and that’s really why i’m writing this letter. but we can’t stay children forever even if i wish we could. 

i just hope you know you meant a lot to me then and you still do. 


p.s. i hope you kept my birthday gift to you that one year. i was so proud of it. i just wanted to make you happy, and when i accomplished that i felt all the sunshine in the world. that’s how much you meant to me. i hope you still feel that love now even when you’re sad. 
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