I was first diagnosed with CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease) in 2003 out of the blue after a random cholesterol blood test. They told me my kidneys were working at 30%. 

I didn’t really understand what this meant at the time, as a young person, I was fortunate not to have any symptoms throughout my illness, including the year I spent on dialysis in 2009-2010.

On 28th December 2010 I got multiple phone calls at 2am, I hung up on them as I wondered who would be calling at this hour? They called my girlfriend at the time’s phone (now wife) and explained that I have a kidney donor and urgently need to attend hospital right away.

I was in shock, gratefully my mum was with us as she was visiting us for Christmas, that helped an awful lot! We travelled to the hospital and within 12 hours I had the new kidney and was in recovery!

I painted this portrait because I wanted to show a personal, vulnerable side to me and my CKD journey. It’s taken from a reference photo that I took on one of my first dialysis sessions in Hospital this time round in 2021. It was an emotional time for many reasons, I felt scared, bewildered, exhausted and sad but also relived to be getting the treatment as it would make me feel better over time. 

When I got home after the first few sessions, I burst into tears as soon as I saw my wife. It was not only exhausting on my body, I felt emotionally drained, especially with travelling 90 minutes each way to Oxford from Swindon and having the 4-hour dialysis sessions 3 times per week.

I’m hoping it reveals a sensitive side as an artist, a vulnerable side. Being able to expose the tough times through my art will hopefully uplift others, or at least provoke some kind of emotional reaction that leads to positive action or reflection.

Unfortunately this time round, the kidney failure caused serious hearing impairment in my left ear, which made me feel very disorientated in situations where there were multiple sounds and people talking. I started wearing a hearing aid after some reluctance, due to feeling self-conscious, but as my wife pointed out, she wears glasses for a sight impairment and it’s no different.