cold weather took my hand by surprise this year and the frostbite set in
inches of snow lay heavy on my chest and for a second
I can’t breathe
I don’t feel pretty I don’t feel anything
I have an empty pill bottle that needs to be refilled
and an empty stomach that can’t seem to keep any food down and I wish i didn’t have to try so hard just to stay alive
maybe I need to take that love I had saved on a shelf and be kinder to myself
smoke signals
sweeping the highest floors
of buildings I can’t reach but imagine
and the sun goes
I see it on their windows I feel it in my face
for the first time in months I can’t stop the tears from coming but I know that’s better
that not having them at all
I wonder if every time someone calls me
s u n n y
someone says I’m
the sun
full of light
it’s because there’s so much inside of me fighting back
looking for love
desperate to make things matter again
that wins
everyone’s cruel to themselves
everyone worth something is cruel to themselves
how am I going to be blocked if every time i look inside of me
there’s only this
all these fucking shadows of the art i didn’t make
in the depth of winter I fought back
i became winter but I fought back
it doesn’t matter how hard the world fights against me
there’s something inside of me pushing back
to everyone who wonders if I’m writing about them.
I am
