So my anxiety and I have what some people may call - a friends with benefits relationship. We have no love for each other, but she still just like, fucks with me sometimes, you know? We moved in together some years ago, we have inside jokes, like when I say I'm going to go talk to that person there, she's like, bitch please. My anxiety is the reason I didn't talk to you today, she is possessive, She doesn't like me talking to other people, she is irrational. Its like, I don't correct people at the work canteen who get my order wrong, I just eat it. Because you know, maybe sweet potato fries is what I wanted, but the broccoli you gave me is what I needed. Because of her, I take the long way home, to avoid someone who kind of looks like my ex. Because whenever I hand her the AUX cord, she makes sure to play back all the times he told me no one else would want someone like me. I constantly wonder what happens to a young woman who is too anxious to ever feel like magic? Can she still fly? Can she still be fly with wings that tremble? Can she forget the lifestyle of an ant, that feeling that no matter what she does, she is in danger of being crushed. She is constantly reminding me of how easy I am to crush. As I speak, I am pushing against her weight on my shoulders, and that is why I shake some times. I have to fight to stand up straight. Stop rocking. I have been fighting her to take control of our house for years, fighting not to crack, please stop rocking, don't shake. Breathe. I think the reason my relationship still don't work out, it's because no one knows they are signing up for a threesome. I know how hard it is to live with the both of us, and im so so sorry. When we don't like feeling out of control, when we don't handle conflict well, when we don't handle being yelled out well, when everything you say to us will be repeated and reconstructed and analysed in our head a million times after, and if I am silent for awhile, it is because I have to fight with her, before I can fight with you. I've tried to cut her off before, I cannot. We do not handle separation well, because of our parents,I mean lovers, I mean friends, breathe. So I guess my anxiety and I have just learnt to live together.