a series of new beginnings.

a quick glance,
a feeling of euphoria.
social media as the means
to pursue a potential first,
a potential love. 
nights spent with grins our our faces,
our fingers eager to continue typing,
to feed our addiction.
touching hands, 
our feet meeting under tables,
unable to catch a breath. 
minutes slowly trickled into hours,
our souls frozen in time.
secrets that had never been spoken aloud,
intertwined thoughts,
a connection
as hard as stone. 
the words i craved,
whispered into my ear, 
drained into my being.
we were invincible,
lay a finger on us—
i’d like to see you try.
the first time,
the first time i’ve been touched,
my body exploded,
as fireworks trickled through my veins, 
i wanted you, i desired
an unattainable comfort. 
nights spent in sheets,
i felt the taste of warmth,
your hydrating liquid,
and suddenly i was
shielded against the world.
kisses along my neck,
along my breasts,
we were lifted into the sky,
led blindly 
by our young ignorance. 
as giggles filled the quiet sky,
love pumped into our hearts,
we had enough,
we had what we needed— 
each other.
attachment sprouted like a flower,
as fertilizer in the form of arguments
and disagreements 
showered us. 
my addiction to you was no more
than my addiction to your lies,
to the pain.
the earliest man besides my father
to hurt me
in ways that could not be spelt out.
you brought a hammer to my soul,
crushed me into 
powdered ash,
hollow skin.
the concept of heartbreak 
is non-existent,
only the darkening feeling of
hiding in corners,
lurking for it’s chance 
to pounce. 
you’re at fault;
coerced me into experiencing moments 
i never could have prepared for,
i lived a reality 
that should never have occurred. 

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