Old love, confusion brand new

felt the tide 
recede from me
so I angled out my body 
and tilted my head back 

In the pull away 
We could be closer 
Myself and I 
But it was all so strange 

I wanted to let you in 
But I called without an answer 
And reached out for a new
Hand to hold
But I was still a burning fire 
your words they nurtured
Mothered me 
And birthed a brand new space 
A new home
eyes looked like they knew 
a seedling 
craving water 
and soul food
but the drawn tide left me dry

My mind is tangled like my fingers 
They don’t know what to do 

And do you love me ? 
I have breathed from my lungs 
a million times
but on this call you always answer..

But I cannot deny the feeling ...

maybe it’s all just me 
the way I hung your fairy lights from my trees
how I smiled at the sound of you 
Where are you now 
Where are you now 

I sit inside a new thing
a smile sweet like jaggery
Laid back and smiled 
But your blue eyes 
Is still dancing around 
your sweet tone
still covers up my ears
This pretty song wants 
to roll so badly off my tongue 

But in the beat of this summer 
It is not how I want to be sounding 

But here you are..
Your name charging through my door 
In my sleep 
Alongside my morning  
All so sweet 
And sure
I was feeling 

Im back in the day..
With a new body dressed in red 
not knowing how ready I was 
to unravel with you 

It rained 
and u gave comfort
and the little things you’d say 
soaked up deep cracks 
Smooth frame 
And in the day 
she dances 
Stealing glances
Not knowing whether I should run 
Or I should stay 

I decided.. to let the tide pull me in 

I missed all of your kisses
Where are they?
Closed eyes could feel
The lightning 
An electric gaze 
Electric fingers 
Danced for months after those days 

A word 
Every thing you gave 
tied a bead that decorates my neck
each finger is a match 
and each piece of you 
An open flame 

To love im so afraid 
But all so ready 
to fall freely from its cliffs 

I called
the rhythm of your heartbeat 
soft breath against my ear
sweet eyes 

Do you remember? 
How I traced out every outline 
Of your country  

What a thing so strange 
so new 
so far away 

My love, tell me 
Did you see the moment I jumped 
from off the edge 
Into your eyes 

why did I cried to those songs
love’s waterfall 
And I could not have been more happy 
Just to be sung so freely
To love you 

There’s a stew that’s been simmering
Pouring from the parts of my heart 
But maybe it was too soon?
Honey did I burn your lip? 
It was not in my intentions I promise..
I am new to this 

Now I am finding 
A night of no lights
And I tried to wait for you
Sapphire thunder 
now hung in solemn blue
down my back 

It was like 
All I could do was shout 
To the world 
And half across it ,  
I told her too
How I was still on fire

almond eyes
Told me
My heart was my strength 
and is my greatest power 
But also 
Could turn me to the bluest blue 

how long can you keep me waiting? 
I hope even as my heart is aching
Here are some roses
With petals colored like my truth
That sing like the color of my skin 

I just want you to know.. 
You have shown me the oceans 
Colored my heart like precious stone 

I’ll always love you ..
I hope you’ll stay 

But also 
I love you if you go.
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