Why coming out is never a one time thing!

As I am sure you are all aware it was Gay Pride Month and if you missed it, I'm not certain how you managed to do so. 

I have never been much of a "flag waver" in any sense of the word; and this includes the pride flag. "Coming out" was a pretty difficult process for me and is something I believe shouldn’t be necessary or required. Your gender and sexuality are valid regardless of who is or isn't aware of them. On top of all that, coming out shouldn't even need to be a thing. Western culture assumes all people are straight, therefore creating an environment where coming out is often necessary to be seen & validated as who we are.

I get the impression that heterosexuals think of coming out as a one time event. You tell everyone your gender and/or sexuality one time and then it's over - you're out! This common narrative, at least in my experience, couldn't be farther from the truth.

 Am I proud to be gay? Not really. What I AM, is proud of myself. And yes, I'm gay. (Surprise.). Society, especially when I was younger, made it very difficult to be a fag. The stigma and intolerance attached was something I would not wish on anyone. However, as time marches on, things have been looking up for the LGBTQ community. I will celebrate this month by doing what I always do... live my life! I don't need a parade and in fact I find them tiresome. However I support and understand why the "alphabet community" may need one. Coming out happens often. It's something I consider when meeting new people, going to new places, at job interviews, in classes, going out to eat - everywhere. As someone who is queer I'm always weighing what various parts of my identities I may or may not share. Do I tell people? Do I correct them? Do I disclose my sexuality? Who I'm dating? Will I be physically and emotionally safe if I disclose? How might the person react?

One response I often get when I do happen to disclose this information is “you don't look gay” and for some reason it annoys the hell out of me without fail every time! But the people who say this generally look a lot more intelligent prior to saying this so I shake it off pretty fast! Consider the assumptions you make about others, do you automatically assume everyone you meet is straight? If so, why? When did that start? How is it influenced by your culture, family, and identities?

If you aren't gay, perhaps you don't understand the need for those like us to celebrate. "There's no STRAIGHT PRIDE month", is something my poor ears had the most unfortunate task of processing once.  Be happy you don't need one. Be happy that you had the chance to experience dating in your teenage years, that no one has ever called into question your right to marry whom you love, to have children if you wish, or in extreme cases whether you should live or die. Be happy that no one tells you that you're doomed to hell, or attempts to legislate discrimination of you or others who are like you.

To the homo’s that follow me, I send you all my love. Celebrate yourselves and your relationships as you see fit this month. Wave the flag, attend the parade, throw a party. I will celebrate quietly, in my own way.. in my studio painting! Above all, be yourself. That's what you should be proud of. YOU.

"All we want, is what you want". Nothing more, nothing "special", nothing less.

Be proud of the person you are, not just during PRIDE MONTH, but EVERY month.
Posted by Cai Nai Tip
I climb rocks and scale boulders recreationally. I paint images and design graphics professionally. Fucking Graphic Designer.
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