12a.m. you called me once again.
I finally picked up.
You asked me how I’ve been.
I was ready to tell you
All of the hurtful things you did.
Uncalled for and dazed.
Are you living in a haze?
You finally gave me an apology.
And I was ready to tell you
How you hurt me.
Eight months since the breakup.
Did you realize what you have done?
You broke my heart
and you tore me apart.
The sleepless nights being angry for what you did.
It felt like I was tortured.
When you left
You were still under my skin.
How could you do this to me?
I felt so played.
Why did it feel so much like a game?
I’m not here to be toyed.
We were together for two and a half years.
Yet I felt like I was under a leash
I didn’t know better.
I told you all.
I invited you to my home.
I thought you were building with me.
We even fell in love
From the song
“To Build a Home.”
Why did it feel so much of a huge lie?
You are right I didn’t deserve this.
This is why when you called me.
I was ready to tell you all of this.
I do not owe you anything,
But I decided to let you know what you had done.
I was not okay.
It was not something should have done.
The guilt in your voice.
You finally realized what you have done.
You realized how shitty you were.
You questioned why I stayed.
You desperately missed me.
You then teared up.
Told me how
I loved you.
The reason I had stayed,
Because I believed in you.
I saw the passion in your eyes,
But what I didn’t see
Was what you put me through.
I don’t know what the future holds.
I don’t know if I can trust you.
Not right now.
It’s still too early.
Why would you do this to me?
You lost it, my boy.
You chose to leave me.
What did you expect from me?
To come back to you? And love you?
I cannot forgive you yet.
As much as I wished to be friends.
You need to prove to me,
that you’ve really changed
To be a man.
“I miss my friend”
“is tomorrow okay?”
“I want to see you”
I said: “no”
This is too early.
I’m not here to be played.
How do you expect me to come back into your arms?
Like I said before
I’ll only see you when the time comes
When you can show me, you evolved.
And don’t lie to me of what you said
That you “become”
better.
I’m not here to get my heartbroken
Again.
“I’m slowly changing!
I will show you.
I want to redeem myself
And prove to you.”
It’s 1:30 a.m.
The call finally ends.
I don’t know what to believe anymore.
So confused,
I am.
To build a home.
With you.
This is not true.
I don’t believe in you.
To build a home?
Are you paying your dues?
-To the boy who broke my heart.
August 2, 2020.
