I know I still have passion

But where the fuck is it?

Been searching for so long

I just ended up getting angry

Screaming internal words at phone screens

And who gives a shit if I forget imagery

Because it doesn’t matter where I was

But who I was in the moment

That used to inspire me

Pulling past trauma till I was on my knees 

Begging for my brain to stop repeating the images

I can’t describe because I’m afraid

Of them coming back to haunt me

That chair still sitting in my living room to this day 

The treadmill weary in the basement 

Who gives a shit about what time period

Because they all felt like yesterday 

With the anger inside still bubbling

I can never forget it 

Inspiring people from past pain

Inspiring me by mentally breaking on the daily 

Researching ways to stop ripping of the bandage 

Without thinking about it

Diving in head first

Swirling with fear

Swirling with pain

Swirling with anger

Until it all stops

And I wake up from my personal hell

Opening my eyes to find beaming lights

On stage, people surrounding

first book reading

Screaming in pain while white walls surround and masks

Giving birth to my baby

Accidentally dropping a shining silver spoon to look up 

And meet the love of my life eye to eye

Pack up all I’ve known and head on a dim plane 

To New York 

And do what I’ve been promising myself since I was thirteen

Leaving it all behind

And when I’m ready

Picking it back up in a better life