I'm sorry you're not my first love
I'm sorry the first time I felt butterflies in my stomach,
My name wasn't in your voice.
The first time I let my fingers interlock and my hands be enveloped 
The thumb stroking them wasn't yours.

I'm sorry my first I love you
Wasn't for you
And the first time I learnt what blushing was
It wasn't your name that my friends teased me with.

I'm sorry the first time I looked in the mirror
And felt pretty
Wasn't because your eyes had sparkled to see me
After forcing me to video call you just so you could see my face... 
and it wasn't your half asleep voice
That had serenaded me.

I'm sorry the lips that tasted mine first
The hands that traced my skin
The voice that whispered sugary metaphors in my ear
The sweet sound of breathing in the middle of a soundless night, wasn't yours.

I slept smiling, hugging my pillow
With thoughts that weren't yours,
And dreaming of a future without you in it.
It's hard to imagine that I would've never gotten to kiss you like I do
And look at you smile as you wrap me in a hundred i love yous
Had I not had my first heartbreak 
And for that I'm eternally grateful it wasn't you.

I'm still sorry that my lips had already tasted anothers
And they habituated to moving in a rhythm that wasn't yours
For this rhythm is much kinder
And your lips, much softer.

If I could open up my heart
And let you in
You would see a thousand pictures of us
My eyes captured everytime we were together
If only I could open up my heart
And let you in
I would tell you that I never wanted you to leave.

For first loves are meant to be first heartbreaks
And I'd cross as many of those as I had to
If it would mean, 
To be with you.

But I'm much kinder now
And my heart much bigger
Big enough to keep aside old dusty photos
And big enough to build a castle with fairy lights for you to live in

If I could do it all again
Maybe you'd be the one to teach me how to love
And the one I would have addressed all my first romantic poems to
But I promise to scrawl new cursive letters in your name in a new notebook with my same old pen.

I'm sorry you're not my first love
But you're the second chance I never knew I'd have.
So I promise I won't call you my second love,
I'll just call you the love that made my suns shine brighter and my moons be calmer
The love that blossomed and the love that stayed.