Rational Thinking

I use to smile with passion now I smile with ration
Im now inspired by pain without anything to maintain
I use to burst with ambition now Im hollow with a separation in my heart and I don't know where it starts all I know is its...dark
I ponder the thought- does the rode taken cause my pain or is it the rode I past by thinking I was sain
Can't go back now but I stunted my grow a while back now 
There will be day I can say I smile with passion but it's not today
 Could I sit idly by letting my own thoughts pass my by should I grab them by their hair and just stare
Should I fake it till I make it for this world is always turning
Would I even be able to handle all that's churning
Standing on my own to feet im never been brave enough to take a leap I stay inside as I grow paler at the turn of the leaves
To be content I wonder if it still exist ive been absent in my mind so to them..do I not exist?
There will be a day I know myself and there will be a way for me to come of my shelve
But for now today i just stare at my fears, terrifed they might keep me from what lies in wait for me another day

-Sami