Reflecting on my first

Not sure what direction to take it

Should I speak about the first time I thought I was in love?

Only to be cheated on repeatedly

Verbally abused that I still have insecurities ‘til today

In hindsight, I was in a toxic relationship

The things you learn from a situation like that are paramount

My only knowledge of love was the ones portrayed on movies screens

Never saw an example of a healthy happy union

Was that my downfall?

Undervaluing my worth that I jumped into a commitment that I was never ready for

Jumping from situation to situation I had to focus on myself

Re-evaluate

Maybe I should share the first time I experienced death in my family

The loss of a parent, I cried for three days straight

My soul was uneasy, restless, unsure how to handle everything going on

I turned to prayer

Asking for forgiveness and guidance

I still remember the last words I said and that will haunt me to my last breath

The funeral came around so quickly, I had to gather all my courage

Speaking in front of a crowd was scary, but I did it, for you

Another angel in the sky looking over us all

Heartbreaking firsts, let’s change the narrative to the miracle of life

Perhaps a blessing in disguise

Here to challenge me in various ways, to get my act together

The labour was intense

Pain I couldn’t handle to the point I was ready to blackout

Lost so much blood, iron levels dangerously low

Ready to give up as the last piece of strength slipped through my fingers

But I regained composure, fought through it all

Gave birth to a baby boy, the next leader of his generation

Looking back, I’ve been through a lot, but the firsts continue

My first home, a place I call my own

My first marriage, to someone who accepts and adores me

My first solo trip, just so I can say I did it

My first therapy session to address the anxiety that cripples me

My first book deal because that’s always been my dream.