Reflecting on my first
Not sure what direction to take it
Should I speak about the first time I thought I was in love?
Only to be cheated on repeatedly
Verbally abused that I still have insecurities ‘til today
In hindsight, I was in a toxic relationship
The things you learn from a situation like that are paramount
My only knowledge of love was the ones portrayed on movies screens
Never saw an example of a healthy happy union
Was that my downfall?
Undervaluing my worth that I jumped into a commitment that I was never ready for
Jumping from situation to situation I had to focus on myself
Re-evaluate
Maybe I should share the first time I experienced death in my family
The loss of a parent, I cried for three days straight
My soul was uneasy, restless, unsure how to handle everything going on
I turned to prayer
Asking for forgiveness and guidance
I still remember the last words I said and that will haunt me to my last breath
The funeral came around so quickly, I had to gather all my courage
Speaking in front of a crowd was scary, but I did it, for you
Another angel in the sky looking over us all
Heartbreaking firsts, let’s change the narrative to the miracle of life
Perhaps a blessing in disguise
Here to challenge me in various ways, to get my act together
The labour was intense
Pain I couldn’t handle to the point I was ready to blackout
Lost so much blood, iron levels dangerously low
Ready to give up as the last piece of strength slipped through my fingers
But I regained composure, fought through it all
Gave birth to a baby boy, the next leader of his generation
Looking back, I’ve been through a lot, but the firsts continue
My first home, a place I call my own
My first marriage, to someone who accepts and adores me
My first solo trip, just so I can say I did it
My first therapy session to address the anxiety that cripples me
My first book deal because that’s always been my dream.
